7 Natural Family Planning Tips...

So lots and lots and LOTS of people all over the Catholic interwebs write about the various facets of Natural Family Planning.  The upsides include things like hormone free living, fully intact female organs (I consider this a big one.. I don't know if I could sleep at night knowing my tubes were all knotted up.  I flip out when I can't untangle my necklace chain for pete's sake!), fully developed marriage communication skills, babies, and the consolation that you are following Christ's plan for marriage.  

Sometimes living Natural Family Planning involves no abstinence and sometimes it requires quite a a lot of it. 

And sometimes you need some serious strategy if weighty health issues make it pretty darn prudent to postpone a pregnancy.      

These tips are meant to help you during the No-go time (I think they call it Phase 2??!?), but I haven't seen these from other bloggers.  I can't imagine why...

1.  

Cook a meal with lots of garlic and onions.  Maybe something like this Really Garlicky Chicken recipe, which calls for 40 cloves of garlic!  After a meal like that, you'll both smell so terrible, you won't even be able to be in the same room.   

2. 

For date night, watch a movie about Catholic missionaries who are killed for their faith.  First of all, nothing kills the mood like a martyr movie, and second of all, you'll feel like two cents complaining about a little NFP when it could way be worse.  Like captured-and-killed-by-crazy-anti-catholic-terrorists worse.  I recommend "Of Gods and Men" and "The Mission."

3.  

Talk about politics.  You'll either be depressed or mad by the end of the conversation.  Too easy!

4. 

The people are having so much flipping fun..

Plan a girls night out and let him watch some sports games you're not particularly interested in.  I know that doesn't sound like the most loving, wifely thing to do, but at least for us, I always find these a win-win night!   I get to have fun with friends (and not have to watch basketball) and he's happy watching games without my awkward and ignorant sports questions.  I can only name about 5 professional athletes total.  Sad, but true.

5.  

Socialize, socialize, socialize! 

 Go to parties, have a party, invite those nice neighbors over for dinner, maybe even your parents or in laws.  If you're busy entertaining, you won't have time to be annoyed by the situation.  Use this sometimes hard time as a couple to build community and friendship with those around you.  

6.    

This lady doesn't have time for anything but home improvements! 

 Get moving on those big projects you've been putting off! Maybe it's organizing that scary room in the basement or ironing that pile of clean laundry in the laundry closet.  Maybe you've been meaning to develop all those photos on your computer and get them into albums (or at least upload them to FB :) ).  Crack open a beer, put a good pandora station, and paint that darn bathroom once and for all.  A joint effort on some household project can be good couple time, unless one of you is incompetent and cause the other much frustration for your lack of attention to detail.  Then you might want to work side by side on different tasks. 

7.

Ok.  I think number 7 is the one you've been waiting for,  the secret weapon, fail safe solution, ninja of all ninjas tip to surviving NFP.   If this doesn't work, I'm not sure what will!

Have your kids contract a terrible awful stomach virus.  The crying children, mounds of terrible smelling laundry, and the endless requests for pedialyte popsicles will be like one big chastity belt.  Even better, you might contract the bug yourself!

So there you have it 7 tips for happy NFP living!

I know what you are thinking.  Why isn't this girl teaching Pre-cana or something? 

 You know, I ask myself the same question everyday. 

  

Sigh.

Join Jen and more Takers at Conversion Diary!

Five Favs: California edition..

LA.. smog schmog...

Ok let me preface this by saying that I do not normally leave my family to go jet of to some warm sunny place, but after this past weekend I might just have to make this a yearly thing!  Just kidding, Mr. P!

Poor Mr. P survived the weekend, just barely.  The kids looked a little peaked when I took off, but I was trying to convince myself that they were just tired.  Turns out it was their intestinal tracks that were "just tired" of food and life.  Mr. P and Mr. Clean had a wonderful bonding weekend.  Let's just put it this way.  When I got home, an entire area carpet was gone. (What!?) I tried to inquire about it, but Mr. P said he couldn't really speak of it.  The guy has jumped out of airplanes, but when it comes to the terrible awfuls of childhood illnesses,  you can only ask so much of one man.   I think the carpet casualty was well worth this awesome trip to see the only one of my beloved 6 siblings that doesn't live near by!

After a rather cold spring, I decided I was willing to face my flying fears just so I could remember what 80 degrees feels like. The crazy turbulence that had me clutching my rosary and then begging for a glass of plane Chardonnay was traumatic, but seeing my beloved sister after 2 long years made it all worth it!

Those clouds may look pretty, but they cause some serious bounce.

Ok so here are my five favorite things about the City of Angels!

1.  The celebrities!  They were such good sports.

Just kidding.  I didn't see anyone famous. That's a waxed Johnny Depp.  It didn't fool Mr. P either.

Seeing someone's cemented foot and hand prints is almost the same as meeting them..

I love the Jimi Hendrix impersonators who use a CD player and fake play with their mouth and behind their back!  Talk about epic.

2.  California Sunsets.  I don't know if it's the pollution that makes the colors so vibrant, but they were just plain gorgeous!

Until the sun goes down on the Santa Monica Blvd..  Sheryl Crow much??

3. On Sunday, my sister took me to the Getty Museum; a stunning architectural and landscaping masterpiece set upon one of the hills of LA with views of the ocean and the mountains.  The collection spans the centuries with interesting and obscure pieces as well as some well-known paintings like Van Gogh's Irises.  Next time, I want to visit the Getty Villa in Malibu.

 

4. Oh my gosh! The food.  The fruit is fresh, the fish is fresh, and somehow you feel healthy even when you eat these guys...

5. Last but not least, the best part of California is my sweet wonderful sister!  We made a complete scene at the airport hugging, screaming, laughing and crying like a bunch of weirdos.  While she is my younger sister, she is far wiser and holier,  she is an inspiration in so many ways and I am so proud of her!

Sisters on the red carpet... I never knew that the Academy Award Red Carpet weaves
 through a mall.  SO weird and perfect!

 Today, I got back to reality: folding laundry, comforting high need toddlers, lamenting my lost carpet, and cooking and carpool.   Now go check out Hallie's thrift find over at Moxie Wife.

PS. Thanks for all those praying for our little Cave.  She is doing better, but we know something is not right.  We are currently seeking out specialists and homepaths and books.  I'll blog about that another day!

7QT: Going to California!

1. I am typing this blog post on my iPhone at the airport!  I am heading to California to visit my sister that comes after me.  I'm flying solo which is both liberating and terrifying.  First of all, I spent almost forty minutes waiting in various lines and didn't stress at all.  I just zoned out like a pro.  None of the "don't touch that" "stop running" "don't touch each other" or "please don't lick the floor".  Normally my blood pressure is through the roof by the time I collapse into the seat.

2.  That being said, every plane ride solicits a pretty strong come to Jesus moment for me, I ent made sure I got to confession tried to be nice to the family and yes I even wrote notes to Mr. P and the kids.  Nothing too dramatic, but I'd like to think if anything were to happen they'd have a little note to hold on too.  I know, I know, it's a little dramatic.

3. The plan for the plane is to pray hard to the guardian Angels of the pilots and have a glass of red wine and pray I can sleep, just not in aeternam.

4. Also is this just me or do you meal plan for your better halfs when they're left to care for the kids solo knowing full well it will McDonalds and pizza all weekend? I do, but I just can't help trying to meal plan.  It's some sort of Mom innateness thing.

5. Two questions: first of all, I  giving a talk to high schoolers on how to prepare for marriage and motherhood in your single life so I wanted to see if any readers had some good tips.  So far I've come up with "find te least rational person you know and talk to them all day."

6. 2nd question involves Los Angeles.  Anyone have a favorite food spot or attraction.  I'm all ears!

7. Ok!  I'm ready to fly!  Join Jen for more texts!

Death by Juice...

I am definitely not going to throw Grace under a bus for getting me all juiced up for a cleanse, but wow I did not know what I was getting myself into when I decided to do a ONE day cleanse.  For Camp Patton followers, you may have read that Grace did a three day Juice Cleanse.   She made it look pretty straight forward and even fun.  Well I probably should have tried her brand that she recommended, because my juices were awful.

You're supposed to drink six 16 oz glasses of juice each containing about 2 pounds worth of veggies and an apple if you're lucky.  I love fruit and veggies--I'd eat buckets of kale--so I figured this would be a total BREEZE!

Heck to the NO!  I knew I was in trouble at 9 am when I could barely down my very first drink of the day that was supposed to be the sweet and light one.   It had kale, celery, apple, and grapefruit.   I love each and every one of those ingredients.

Buuuuuuut....

It actually felt like I was drinking my own death, if that makes sense....

I was so full by two sips and then I had to force myself to finish the whole thing.  You know those drinks they make you take for the Pregnancy glucose test?  It was like that except worse.   I felt nauseous afterwards and almost tossed my cookies kale on the side of the road.   When they tell you that you won't be hungry on a juice cleanse, they are not lying.  Those things are really hard to muscle down.  I think I'm one of those people who should just stick to eating my veggies and fruit.

Anyway, at noon, I tried to muscle through the carrot, ginger, celery juice and I almost died.  I could only finish half of it.   At 3:30, I wept a little at all the juice I still had to drink.  4 1/2 more bottles!  Gack!

I wasn't hungry, I was scared.

I texted Mr. P and apologized for buying this juice.  He told me I should finish.  At 6 pm, I looked longingly at the chicken, broccoli and sauteed corn with shallots that the rest of the family was eating as I downed one of the green bottles.  The kids tried to cheer me own and Mr. P kept telling me I only had 3 half more bottles after this one!  Blech.  

It's now 9 o'clock and those juices will not be drunk tonight.  I'll drink the rest tomorrow.  I guess, it'll end up being a two day cleanse.

Not sure if this will undo all the good of today, but I decided to have a half a glass of my favorite juice.

Wine has anti-oxidants right?
Cheers!

5 Favs: How to not die while teaching a kid to read

1. The Right Book. Sometimes I think that I will spend a long time in purgatory and then I remember that I have spent hours in my personal purgatory that is teaching a child to read.  I honestly would rather give birth naturally to a baby elephant in front of thousands of people at the zoo that sit through one more painful sound out session with my son.  Yes, this is my favorite reader guide, but no I don't love a minute of the first million hours of teaching it.  Hour number million and one, starts to get better.

2. A soft pillow.  Be advised that you will need a pillow to scream into your frustrating with how long it takes your sweet child to sound out cat for the 500 billionth time.  Especially when it was in the sentence before.  

3. Stress ball.  Squeezing this through out the lesson does help you keep your calm as you repeat yet again the difference between "b" and "d." 

4. Marshmallows. Sometimes as they are sounding out the words you want to just sound it out for them so the whole thing can just be over, but you realize that defeats the purpose so you've got to find a way to keep quiet.  Shove your mouth with Marshmallows and I guarantee you won't be able to make the "ch" or the "sh" sound when they pause for ten minutes on each word containing that consonant blend.

Wow, Marshmallow google image search, wow!

5. The Glass of Wine.  Honestly, this is my favorite tip on how not to die while teaching a child to read.    A nightly glass will most likely calm your nerves enough to gear up for the next day's lesson, even when it's a two page day.

Join Moxie Wife for more Five Favs!

General Hospital Goodness..

(No this is not a synopsis of the 90's soap opera) 

I am just catching my breath after a harrowing couple of days.

I've been around the crazy-kid-sickness block before, but this stroll wore down my parenting boots almost as fast as I've worn down this analogy.  

Basically, something is wrong with Cave and reality finally slapped us all in the face.... with watery shizzle to be precise.

**Warning.. This post contains multiple references to poop**

Basically, She's had on and off "D" also known as "the runs" or "Montezuma's revenge" (air-quote much?) for a couple of weeks, but not enough to really make me think something was really wrong.  I just sort of chalked it up to something hit her system weird.  

Well a couple of nights ago, she started waking up 10 billion times to blow out a diaper and then scream in pain for several hours.   During the day, she'd act listless and then be back at the all night "D" fest.  Her stomach blew up to the size of dead goat and she refused to eat or drink anything.   Even if she took a sip of water, she would scream and spit it out.  She was really starting to worry us.

So yesterday at noon I took her to the Pediatrician, where she began to scream and scream and scream uncontrollably for almost the whole of the next 7 hours.  We eventually made out way to the hospital, getting tests and x-rays and blood work.  She wouldn't drink or eat anything and she literally just screamed and yelled and writhed as only a two year old can.  I think I would have held it together better had I had more than 3 hours of combined sleep in the last 48 hours, but eventually I just cried along with her. 

I was so delirious, I just kept repeating Psalm 23 over and over and finally I put up a FB status update asking for prayers for us.  I had reached my limit and I needed grace reenforcement.  (I know, I know, I often hate on FB, but sometimes a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do!) 

Anyway, that's when my angels started showing up.

First there was the sweet little Indian lab tech that I hugged and found comfort in as I cried during the horrific screams accompanying Cave's blood tests.  They could not find her teeny little vein!  She tried to take Cave to give my arms a rest and Cave slapped her and said, "Don't look at me!"  (In Cave's defense she was dehydrated and delirious and sick as a dog.)  This woman just smiled and said, "She's a beautiful child."

Then, there was the mom in the waiting room, who bought me two bottles of water, just when my head was starting to pound.  I smiled gratefully and realized that I hadn't had a sip to drink or a bite to eat all day!  

I also have to mention the sweet old lady who found my phone on the ground and made sure I didn't forget it when I left.  

There were the smiles and kind words of everyone in the hospital at various times, who had to endure the high-pitched screams of my suffering child.   They were probably in pain and suffering, because last I checked people don't just come to the hospital at 6 o-clock at night to chill.   Those smiles meant a lot during the stressful moments.   I also felt the techno-love as well.  Each call, text, email and FB comment was a reminder that people care for us and are praying for us.  Maybe facebook does have a few good points... 

As I buckled in an exhausted sniffling Cave and plopped my sad sorry self behind the wheel, I couldn't help think, "Wow, people really still are good."   Sometimes news like the Boston Bombing or the Gosnell trial can make us feel so down on humanity, but it is such a gift to encounter true kindness.

I thought about this again this morning as I handed over some of Maeve's stool (figuring out a way to capture that wasn't my favorite moment in parenting...) to a nice man at the lab, who examined the nasty stuff cheerfully and said, "Good work, Mama!"  Thanks, I always try to be #1 in the fecal matter gathering department!  Seriously, it's gotta take a special kind of awesome to get up every morning and look at other people's sick poop and be cheerful about it.  

Anyway, our Cave is still suffering, but she is gaining some strength.  We're praying that we figure out her gastro-intestinal issues, so she can get back to being our spicy rabble-rouser!  In the mean time, I am swearing by Bone Broth and it's healing powers.  Cave seems much better after just a cup of this.  I'm not going to lie, I spent most of today trying to convince her to drink it, but the fight was worth it!

Anyway, in case you have a sick kid.  Here's my extrapolated version of bone broth.

4 Chicken thighs in bone

1 cup carrots

1 cup celery

1/2 cup onion

5-8 cloves of garlic.

Roast Chicken thighs.  Let cool a little.  Pull meat from bones and carefully break or cut bones in half to expose marrow.  Put bones, skin, and meat in a pot of water with some salt (to taste) and bring to a boil.  Reduce and let it simmer low for a good 30 minutes, then add the carrots celery, onion and garlic.  You can add a bit more salt or garlic salt at this point.  Bring to another bowl, then let it simmer on low as long as you want.  At least 30 minutes.  Strain the liquid (you can leave the bone's joint fat in) and serve to your sick little person.  Having observed the difference in Cave after just one cup has made me a believer!!!

7QT: Birth stories, basil, and Galileo... oh my!

Joining Camp Patton for Seven Quick Takes Friday!  STill praying for Jen and her little one!

1. First of all, Tank turns FIVE today!  And I will never forget that fateful April day, where I proved my womanhood for all time.  No, I didn't have a natural birth... But I did push out a 10 pound baby!   I tried to go natural for most of it, but somewhere around 8 cms I stalled there for 3 anguish filled hours. Looking back, I think I'll blame it on his big fat head!  Anyway, I eventually begged for meds and literally 15 minutes after the epidural took effect I was ready to push!  Well, thank the good Lord that I did have that epidural!  BEcause he got stuck and the midwife had to pull some ninja moves for our ten-pound Tank to see the light of day!  I can still remember thinking, when they handed his fat tubby body over to me, "Holy Cow, I just gave birth to my father in law!"  Of my three kids, he was the best sleeper and the cuddliest.  I think he still is today!

2. Ok one more Tank Take since it's his B-day.  A couple of months ago, Mr. P was having a serious discussion about the fact that we discipline them and give consequences, because we love them.. etc, etc.  Anyway, Tank is nodding his head and looking grave and interested.  Mr. P finishes and asks them what they think about this fatherly sermon and Tank says, "Dad, can I ask a question?"  "Sure, buddy!"

"When sword swallowers swallow swords, do they die?"  Yup, they were soaking it up!

3. In other news, pray for me, because I am hosting a little boy party next weekend.  Henry wanted a "War Party."  He told me, "Mom, instead of pin the tail on the donkey, can we have pin the gun on the soldier?"  Maybe, son.  Maybe.   I did put out invitations that looked like 1940s telegram draft letters and told the kids to prepare for some boot camp training.  What that is exactly Mr. P and I need to figure out.  You probably will not want to pin my party ideas, but I think it should be good times.

HAppy B-day, Tank!

4. Can we talk about my favorite flavor combo once the weather warms up?

I talk about this every spring, I know.  But I just made 4 different Mozzarella, Tomato and Basil Pasta salad meals for new moms.   

It varies based on what veggies I have around but I never omit those three sacred ingredients.

Sometimes I add "good" hard salami, like Boarshead or some artichokes or shredded carrots or fresh shaved parmesan. What's nice about this meal, besides the fact that it doesn't have gassy baby foods like garlic or onions,  is you don't have to worry about reheating or cutting.  You just scoop it on the plate and eat.  

5. Speaking of Pasta, I have a serious problem.

Am I the only one that has boxes of pasta that have about a 3rd of it left.  Ugh. How does this happen?

This weekend I plan on making pesto and just cooking all the scraps of pasta.  Because the madness has got to stop, people.

6. 

Topic Change.. 

I chuckled when I saw this... I'm a nerd.

I'm starting to gather materials for homeschooling next year.  (YEs, CC is in school, but we do history, religion, art and writing at home.  Tank will still be home next year.)  I am wondering if anyone has any books on the reformation for kids from a catholic perspective.  Wow that is specific.

7. 

Ok last, all you mom pros out there, what is your favorite Math Curriculum?

Saxon, A Beka, Singapore?   I tend to be insecure about my math curriculum because I am a literature person, so I look to others to validate my math choices..  Help a sister out!

Have a solid, restful weekend.  I was going to say "fab", but with all the sad news this week, let's just stick with solid and restful.