1 . I'm not going to even try to join up on Jen's 7 Quick Takes, because it is late in the game and the links are probably up to 70 million. But wow, she's been writing some good stuff lately. I actually emailed her after this nice piece on the difficulties of motherhood in the modern world. This part in particular stuck me when I read it:
We’re hesitant to admit that our lives are difficult in any way. We feel the pain, but then we look around at our washers and dryers and smartphones and televisions and all the other trappings of our first-world lives, and we feel embarrassed to complain about anything. It feels easier, and certainly more noble, to blame ourselves, to assume that the problem must simply be moral failings and character defects on our parts.
2. I totally feel embarrassed to complain about anything in my life because I am very blessed. This is especially true with the recent discovery of our third miscarriage. I find myself telling everyone else that we are just grateful that we have the three beautiful children we do have. And that is true. We are grateful, but I feel guilty admitting that we still wanted this baby or the two others before it. There are a lot of people who can neither conceive themselves or afford financially the hefty costs associated with the adoption of a child. I also recently read about family's struggle with a failed adoption where they brought up their son for 15 months only to have the child taken away in a messy custody battle. That suffering is ten times worse.
3. After reading this very honest post called Pro-life in theory, I was also reminded that some people are really overwhelmed by the number of kids they have and struggle to meet the physical, emotional and financial needs of each of their children. That can so tough!
Why the heck am I complaining?
But I love what Jen (I feel like I should call her Jennifer, since we don't exactly know each other, but whatevs) when she writes:
But what I found with my undiagnosed medical issues is that when we refuse to accept real suffering as legitimate, it actually makes it harder to be grateful. We spend so much mental energy fighting the wrong battles and beating ourselves up over phantom failings that we don’t have much energy left to take stock of all the wonderful things in our lives. Living in a false reality is exhausting and demoralizing. It’s much easier to be happy, peaceful, and close to God when we acknowledge the truth, even if that involves acknowledging that some things are hard.
4. She's just right. You just have to acknowledge that some things are hard. BEing a working mom is hard, being a stay at home mom is hard, having crap loads of kids is hard, having no kids is hard.
And yes, having some kids and then losing three is hard.
5. My kind and very understanding OBGYN came in after the ultrasound and started to offer her condolences and I immediately tried to play tough guy and say, "Well, it's ok. We've got our three great kids!" and she just said, "No, it's a loss. It's ok to be sad." I just really appreciated her sensitivity and would like to nominate her for doctor of the year or something!
6. So that's that. Now I am not sure where we go from here. I am so terrible when it comes to medical stuff and I'm not a great details person, so the thought of researching the reasons for why this is happening and the endless tests seems a bit daunting. I kind of wish I could just throw in the towel on this whole thing. That sounds terrible, I know. But I'm confident God's grace will be present no matter what.
7. Thanks for those of you who've been praying for this little one. I wish things had turned out better for our little person, but each life is a gift and those mysterious reasons for why things happen and the way they happen will be revealed all in God's time. I will continue to follow the advice once again of my fortune cookie from this past September and offer up this suffering for all those thousands of children who die every year through abortion.